Where Is My Christmas Spirit?

This is the first Christmas I've ever had with a grandchild.  Woo hoo! Sweet little Paisley Grace arrived in August.  I've been to two "Breakfast with Santa" events, sent a photo Christmas card out with a pic of me, papa, and Paisley Grace wishing everyone a Merry Christmas, and shopped for the little angel.  You would think my cup runneth over with Christmas spirit.  But, no, much to my surprise, I have no Christmas spirit this year.

I decorated the tree, baked and ate Christmas cookies, drank eggnog (spiked), and played Christmas carols.  Still, no Christmas spirit.  All my Christmas tasks were done early - shopping, wrapping, mailing.  Is this the problem?  Have I mistaken the adrenalin rush of last minute Christmas pressure for Christmas spirit?  I've really down-sized this Christmas and minimized the materialism of the season.  Have I mistaken materialism and a huge pile of gifts under the tree for Christmas spirit?

What is Christmas spirit anyway?  Since I don't have any this year, I've had to ask this question.  I have rolled this question around and around in my mind like I would roll a jawbreaker round and round in my mouth.  Several times a day I have whined to God, "I don't have any Christmas spirit.  Where is my Christmas spirit?  What is Christmas spirit?  And then I asked God the most dangerous question of all:  "Please, God, show me what Christmas spirit is!"

A day or two after I asked God to show me Christmas spirit, a friend I hadn't seen in awhile stopped by the house.  We knitted, ate take out and talked.  I listened as she poured her heart out about emotional wounds that ocurred over a year ago. 

A day later, another friend whom I hadn't seen in at least 10 years, called and talked about the heartbreak he was experiencing with his teenage daughter. 

On Monday, I had dinner at Bonefish.  I took a scarf I knitted for our favorite waiter, an FSU college student.  Back in November, he had casually asked me if I would knit him a scarf like the one I was wearing.  He said he would pay me for it.  When I gave him the scarf, I wished him a Merry Christmas and told him I didn't want any money for it - consider it a gift for all the times he had taken care of us at dinner.  His reaction blew me away.  He was so grateful.  He showed "his scarf" to all the other wait stuff.  He gave me a huge hug, said he had no place to go for Christmas, and the scarf really touched him.  He didn't think I took him seriously and never expected I would knit him a scarf.  I left Bonefish in tears at the happiness he was experiencing.

Well, God definitely showed me what Christmas spirit is.  My cup (in my case, my wine glass) now is overflowing with Christmas spirit.  I experienced Christmas spirit each time I connected with one of the hurting people God brought to me.

Christmas carols, cookies, gifts, live nativity scenes, family, Christmas Eve services are all wonderful parts of the celebration of Jesus' birth.  But I believe God showed me that Christmas spirit is in the meeting and ministering "heart to hurting heart" in HIS SPIRIT.

Be careful what you ask God for - He always answers, but never in the way we expect Him to. 

I wish all of you a blessed Christmas and new year full of "Christmas Spirit".  And whatever you do, "Dont Blink, or Paisley Grace Will Be Grown".

Mimi Has A Meltdown!

I'm having a meltdown!

Paisley Grace arrives at 7:30 am and begins to wreak havoc almost immediately.  She guzzles a bottle at 8 am.  By 9 am, my little angel is screaming & I'm totally perplexed since she's fed, changed, and totally resistant to sleep.  Out of options, I turn to the bottle (although I am afraid my daughter will freak at my desperation of turning to the bottle as a solution).  To my surprise, Paisley Grace guzzles another bottle.  Guzzles as in - drains the last drop of breast milk in the Dr. Brown's container.

I hold my angel in my lap & she coos and smiles and talks.  I put her on her activity mat and she screams.  I give her a few minutes to compose herself, but the wailing continues.  I pick her up - she screws up her pretty little face and screams like she's being tortured.  Now what?  I try everything: clean diaper, rocking, singing, feeding, and the "well-then, just lay there and scream" approach.

This goes on all day long.  What am I doing wrong??  Who knows?? I consult with Paisley Grace's mommy.  No answers.

My hair is on fire.  I'm having a panic attack that feels like a bona fide heart attack.  I look around for help.  I am alone, except for the dogs - who have chosen this moment to fight over a bone and are defiant and growl at me when I threaten them with the bark collar.  I can't get any respect anywhere.

Self doubt and feelings of failure crash over me and threaten to drag me down with their strong emotional current.  This doesn't feel good.  I knew taking care of Paisley Grace would be fun and frustrating.  Today is the frustrating day.

Finally, 5:30 pm and mommy arrive.  I am relieved by a strong, capable woman who is 28 years younger than me, my daughter.

Today is just one day. Yesterday was a better day.  Tomorrow will be a better day.   Whew!  I'm  just glad today is in the history books!

And remember:  DON"T BLINK OR PAISLEY GRACE WILL BE GROWN!

The Baby Diaries - The First Week

Monday:
I am still in the lala land of sweet sleep when my daughter walks in with Paisley Grace.  I look at the clock: 7:15am, and think:  It's not 7:30 yet - our agreed upon drop-off time.  But they are here and I stumble out of bed, eyes barely open and brain still very foggy.

An hour and half later, Paisley Grace has had her bottle and I've had my coffee.  I'm human once again.

Mid-morning:  I'm knitting to the symphony that is Paisley Grace exploding her diaper.  Not that I'm not sympathetic to her needs; but I finish my knitting row before changing her!

Tuesday:
Was it the termite man banging on the walls doing his inspection or my attempt to have Paisley Grace nap in her own room?  I don't know, but Paisley Grace screams all day.  I cancel my afternoon appointment at Jenny Craig because Paisley Grace is not fit for a public appearance.  Hair on fire and repeating over and over again:  "food is not my friend", I make it through the day - barely.  I am sure that in 2 short days I have totally screwed up my granddaughter.

Wednesday:
It's my birthday and I am determined to have a good and peaceful day!  To this end, I do anything Paisley Grace wants to do.  I carry her around a lot.  I feed her a lot.  I sing until I am hoarse.  But it works, and both Paisley Grace and I are happy.  My daughter arrives an hour early to pick up Paisley Grace and I am excited beyond words that I have time to shower before going out to dinner.

Life is different with Paisley Grace.  Last year on my birthday I had dinner at Shula's Steak House and met Coach Don Shula who was dining there as well.  This year my thrill is that I have time for a shower before dinner with the people I love the most in the world;  my husband, daughter, son-in-law, and precious granddaughter, Paisley Grace.

Thursday:
I wake up to someone tapping me on the shoulder.  I squint my eyes open just a slit and see my daughter standing at my bedside with Paisley Grace.  Rut Row . . . I'm late for work.  Stupidly I say, "Are you here already?"  As I leave the warm comfort of my bed (it's 30 some degrees outside) my daughter hands Paisley Grace to me.  I start my day exhilerated by Becky's faith in my ability to care for a baby while still half asleep!

To be continued . . . and remember, whatever you do, Don't Blink or Paisley Grace Will Be Grown!

A Tale of Two Photographers

Many things have changed since I was a new mommy with a baby.  One of the major changes I've noticed is the increase in professional baby photography.

When Becky was a baby, I snapped pictures with my "Brownie" camera, took the spool of film to the drugstore, and returned 2 weeks later for my pictures!  About half of them were thrown in the garbage because they were terrible.  Does anyone remember "flashcubes"?  They didn't improve my pictures.  Imagine my excitement when Polaroid cameras hit the scene.  Still, no improvement in my baby photos - in fact, I think my Polaroid photos were even worse than the others.

Since my days of amateur photography, an entire industry seeded by Anne Geddes' famous baby photos, has bloomed around taking pictures of little ones.  There are an incredible number of people claiming to be professional baby photographers.  When we lived in the mountains, we used to laugh about the construction industry there.  Anyone who had a pick up truck and a hammer, was a contractor.  Here, anyone with a camera and a website, is a baby photographer.

What separates the real professionals from the those just preying on vunerable parents?  (Who wouldn't want photographs of every nano second of their angel's growth?  I know I can't resist photographs of my little sweetheart.)  Don't be fooled by fancy equipment and prices!  Real professionals value parents' time and hard-earned money.  Above all else, real professionals know that parents want their little darlings' photos edited and posted faster than they want their Happy Meal; and they respond by providing timely service! 

Our family is blessed to work with a wonderful professional photographer, Kira Derryberry.  Kira has it all - creativity, originality, quality and FABULOUS SERVICE!  She values Paisley Grace and her parents (and me - just the grandparent). She shows it with attention to details like taking 4 hrs. to do Paisley Grace's newborn photos, indulging our suggestions for shots (Nick is very creative), and emailing not only Becky, but me too, as soon as Paisley Grace's photos are posted!  Yes, I'm spending my retirement funds on photographs - but Paisley Grace is worth it and Kira makes me more than happy to fork it over!

Unfortunately, I've also had a bad professional baby photographer experience.  Lured to a local retail store for a free photo shoot, my daughter and I eagerly presented Paisley Grace to the photographer.  Dressed in clothing and bows sold by two vendors in partnership with the store, Paisley Grace posed and cooed.  Paisley Grace is a beauty and I knew she was "America's Next Top Model" just waiting to grow up.  Now, Mommy and I are smart.  We knew it was a ploy to get us to buy the dresses and bows - which we did.  Then we waited . . . and waited . .  and waited . .  for the photographer to post the photos, which we hoped to purchase.  Finally - 6 weeks later - the photos are posted.  To my horror - the photographer posted the photos by dumping all 194 pictures on her camera, which included all the photos taken at the store that day, on a PUBLIC site.  In other words, any family and friends I share the photos with also view the babies of total strangers and total strangers can view and purchase photos of Paisley Grace!  Then the photographer had the nerve to require a re-posting fee of $20 if anyone wanted to view the photos after a week.  This photographer had a big honking camera, professional lights on stands, drapes, props, and exhorbitant prices.  I would have happily shelled out my precious pennies for some of the photos - they were quite good. But, because of the photographer's total lack of respect and concern for us and the other families, she will NEVER see a red cent of mine! 

Read this and weep - and be smart.  Before you book a photographer, ask how the photos are posted.  Insist on password protected individual postings. 

All I can say is, use a photographer like Kira Derryberry(kiraderryberryphotography)  And whatever you do, DON'T BLINK OR PAISLEY GRACE WILL BE GROWN!

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Do Americans Really Dislike Babies/Children?

It's been 33 years since I couldn't go anywhere w/o a baby/child attached to me.  Now I am back in that position and things seem different.  While our daughter was born into a community who celebrated her presence, today's American culture apprears to really dislike having babies/children around. It's as if people think I have lots of options and bring Paisley Grace out with me only to annoy the adults around me.  Paisley Grace goes out with me because that is the only option available at the time.  This is the case for most  parents, and especially single parents, who are simply living the family life style.

For example, I have had the same hair dresser since I moved to town.  I pay handsomely for her services and hair products, and tip her generously.  I was stunned last week when she related that some women at the shop do not want baies/children around bec. women consider the appt. "their" time and don't want to hear crying babies!  Seriously?  "THEIR" time?  If that's the case, I think the client needs to book "at-home" appts.  

Don't get me wrong - I know everyone does not love babies/children.  I don't especially enjoy crying babies - even my grandchild. But that is what babies do. I also don't enjoy misbehaving children. Most parents don't enjoy it when their baby cries or their children misbehave.  But listen up out there:  It's a learning process, little ones don't come in boxes with "on/off" or "good day/bad day" switches. 

Concerning the beauty shop - some of the customers ARE children & sometimes they are having a bad day.  At times I have been at the beauty shop and some of the adults have been pretty obnoxious!

That was certainly the case a week ago at the football game.  Paisley Grace was perfectly behaved, but the adults were rude and obnoxious - so much so that security was called. 

Churches have a slightly different view - but most still insist that babies/children be separated from the rest of the church community.  Some churches will not allow children in the sanctuary because the service is being videotaped.   Others build "million dollar" nursery facilities to ensure babies aren't present in church.  (Both these churches exist - I have personal knowledge of both.)  I'm trying to picture the "Sermon on the Mount". Did Jesus or the disciples ask the people with babies/children to get up and leave, or to go to the back of the crowd? Maybe parents were asked to leave the children at home with relatives or to leave them in the tent designated for babies/children before they sat down to hear Jesus speak.

America has entire retirement communities where children are not allowed to live.   Most of these communities require special permission for residents' own grandchildren to visit.  (Children best be out by sundown . . . or else!  Hmm . . sounds like some other discrimination I've read about in history books.)

Babies and children are not property or robots, they are part of the community. Hillary Clinton said that it takes a village to raise a child. My point is that most of the village doesn't want to have the babies/children around. 

I wonder if there is a connection between youth delinquency and violence and the disenfranchising of the youngest members of American society?   Or is there a connection between our culture's acception of abortion as a way to deal with unwanted children affecting our society's response to children in general?  Food for thought anyway.

I know that children are not always pleasant and that parents are not always perfect. Neither are adults.  But this attitude, this perception of children as a public nuisance that truly shouldn’t be seen NOR heard? It just hurts my heart. How have we come to this?

I will continue to take Paisley Grace out in the community.  Sometimes she will be darling and sometimes she will be wailing for some reason that I will try to fix.  I hope the people we encounter will be kind and supportive.  The people who are judgemental and who dislike the fact of her presence will just have to deal.

And remember, DONT BLINK OR PAISLEY GRACE WILL BE GROWN!

A Baby Without A Country

Off to the football game we went:  Me, my hubby, Becky, Nick and Paisley Grace! I was so excited - this was a monumental occasion for our family.  Paisley Grace is a 3rd generation FSU Seminole and this was her initiation to the football stadium where our beloved Seminoles play.  We have so many wonderful memories here.  And to make it even better - we had been invited to sit in a corporate sky box.

And this is where the story goes wrong, so wrong.  If you know me, you know I am a former teacher and a champion of "the rules".  After my husband got the tickets for the sky box, I had him call the corporation to find out what protoccol was concerning bringing a baby to the sky box.  "No problem," he was told.  "Babies are welcome in the sky box."  When he brought the tickets home, I noticed a statement that said,  "Everyone, regardless of age, must have a ticket."  That's pretty clear, but to be sure, I called the FSU ticket office to find out if Paisley Grace needed her own ticket.  "Yes," I was told, "even a 2 month old baby had to have a ticket, but sky boxes were under the purview of the FSU Boosters.  I call the Boosters and am told, "No, the baby does not need a ticket for the sky box.  The baby was welcome and we could also bring the stroller to the sky box.  My homework done, we set out to have a day we would all remember.

Well, we'll remember it all right.  We get to the corporate sky box, get settled in, and discover our 4 sky box tickets are not in the corp. sky box - although we are told we are welcome to stay there.  Our sky box tickets are in the Booster Sky Box up on the 8th floor.  So we pack up baby, diaper bags, stroller, camera, sweaters, caps, beers, and head up stairs.

Ahhh . . here we are - we've finally reached our destination.  We ask a hostess where we are supposed to sit.  She takes one look at the baby and calls the manager -- because no one under 21 yrs. is allowed in the booster sky box.  REALLY!  It's not like Paisley Grace, at 2months, is going to belly up to the bar and order,  "One breast milk, straight up, in a bottle.  Oh, and could you top that off with a nipple?"  Or maybe they're concerned we'd slip a little "Jack" in her bottle, and when she got drunk and fell out of her stroller, the stadium would be liable.  Seriously, what happened to common sense?

So,  faced with the fidgety hostess, the manager, and a security guy with a gun, we surrender, pack up again, and go back down to the corporate sky box, where we finally figure out why the corp folks had placed us in the booster sky box.  Instead of using the sky box to entertain clients, one high placed employee was using it for a family birthday party.  The five us were the only folks "not family" in the sky box.  But, I'm not finished yet.  One couple attending the family celebration had an 18 month old they were not allowed to bring because babies weren't allowed in the sky box.  And there we sat with baby Paisley Grace.  AWKWARD!!!!

Soooo.  We pack up again and wander the hallways, where people told us we had the most beautiful baby they had ever seen.   By this time Paisley Grace has a dirty diaper (by my way of thinking there was lots of "poop" going on in the sky boxes) and we change  her on the floor because the sky boxes - for all the money they put in them - have no changing tables.

So,the five of us: me, Patrick, Becky, Nick, and Paisley Grace kept trying to find a place we belonged. I missed a lot of the game trying not to offend people with a baby!!!!! I know, I know, I'm grateful to have been in not one, but 2 sky boxes. But geesh .... can't we take a baby anywhere???????

Becoming a grandparent has totally opened my eyes to how unfriendly our world is to babies and children.  I want this to change!  I would love to encounter people who smile instead of frown when they see me coming with Paisley Grace.  That is FREE - it costs nothing.  From there we could have changing tables in every building.  Is that too much to ask????

Would love to hear your stories and comments on the "not-so-baby-friendly" world we live in.  And remember:  DONT BLINK OR PAISLEY GRACE WILL BE GROWN!

Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants

Taking care of  Paisley Grace and doing things my daughter's way is exactly the challenge I thought it would be!  Becky and I have totally different ideas on baby issues (some important, and some not so important).  Does Paisley Grace get a pacifer, should she have a schedule, is it really necessary to do "paced" bottle feedings, and should Paisley Grace have to wear pants over her onesies?  Let me just state for the record, that I do things Becky's way since she is the mommy.  However, I have to confess to a lot of eye-rolling on my part!!!!

Today, I'm going to talk about the minor (to me, anyway) issue of always having to wear pants over her onesie!  I had never heard of this one.  A onesie is an all-in-one outfit with very convenient snaps at the bottom for diaper changing.  Becky is adamant that pants must be worn over the onesie or Paisley Grace is half naked.  I bunk at "camp convenience" - who needs pants when you have to change a diaper every 1/2 hr? (Yes, every 1/2 hr. -  Paisley Grace is a highly productive "poop factory").  So, Becky, Paisley Grace, and I have joined what I call "THE SISTERHOOD OF THE TRAVELING PANTS".  Becky dresses Paisley Grace in her onesie, complete with cute little pants over the onesie.  The first time I change a diaper; I take the pants off, and off they stay while Paisley Grace is at my house.  This allows me to be a "quick change artist" in the diaper department.  When Becky arrives to take Paisley Grace home, I put the pants back on her.  So, here we are:  Becky, Paisley Grace, and I, all members of "The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants" -a wonderful family pact that makes everyone happy.  I only wish all the Paisley Grace issues were as easy to resolve. 

Please leave a comment about a shared child-rearing experience that you have had.  I'm still learning.  And whatever you do, DONT BLINK or PAISLEY GRACE WILL BE GROWN!

Meanwhile . . .

Good morning, everyone.  I'm sure I'm not the only one with a Halloween Hangover!  Too much sensory stimulation for me.  But, oh the excitement of taking my 2 month old "bumble bee" to the neighbors.  Everyone ewing and ahhing over Paisley Grace.  Just one of many privileges of being Mimi. 

Technology wizard that I am (no comments from former co-workers, please),  I have not been able to fix my blog so that it accepts more than 4 comments.  I want your comments, I need your comments, I love your comments!  I am in the process of moving the blog to a different site, but am stymied by the supposedly "simple", Wordpress application.  Begging for help from anyone who knows how to work with Wordpress!

Post a comment - if the blog will let you.  And remember,  DON'T BLINK OR PAISLEY GRACE WILL BE GROWN!

Don't Blink!

I have about a month before I start watching granddaughter Paisley Grace full time.  Her mommy goes back to work the Monday after Thanksgiving.  I'm excited beyond words and terrified at the same time.  It's been 32 years since I took care of a baby!  Mistakes I made with her mommy when she was a baby:  left her on the bed and she rolled off, put too many cans of formula in the bag on the back of the stroller and the stroller tipped over backwards, fed her sesame crackers and thought she had worms in her diaper when it was only sesame seeds.  I could go on and on, but I don't want any of you to call Department of Children and Families on me at this late date.  Anyway, I hope you'll join me on this adventure.  Say hello on a post - I'll need the adult contact.  Take the survey.  And what ever you do - DON"T BLINK OR PAISLEY GRACE WILL BE GROWN.