I'm having a meltdown!
Paisley Grace arrives at 7:30 am and begins to wreak havoc almost immediately. She guzzles a bottle at 8 am. By 9 am, my little angel is screaming & I'm totally perplexed since she's fed, changed, and totally resistant to sleep. Out of options, I turn to the bottle (although I am afraid my daughter will freak at my desperation of turning to the bottle as a solution). To my surprise, Paisley Grace guzzles another bottle. Guzzles as in - drains the last drop of breast milk in the Dr. Brown's container.
I hold my angel in my lap & she coos and smiles and talks. I put her on her activity mat and she screams. I give her a few minutes to compose herself, but the wailing continues. I pick her up - she screws up her pretty little face and screams like she's being tortured. Now what? I try everything: clean diaper, rocking, singing, feeding, and the "well-then, just lay there and scream" approach.
This goes on all day long. What am I doing wrong?? Who knows?? I consult with Paisley Grace's mommy. No answers.
My hair is on fire. I'm having a panic attack that feels like a bona fide heart attack. I look around for help. I am alone, except for the dogs - who have chosen this moment to fight over a bone and are defiant and growl at me when I threaten them with the bark collar. I can't get any respect anywhere.
Self doubt and feelings of failure crash over me and threaten to drag me down with their strong emotional current. This doesn't feel good. I knew taking care of Paisley Grace would be fun and frustrating. Today is the frustrating day.
Finally, 5:30 pm and mommy arrive. I am relieved by a strong, capable woman who is 28 years younger than me, my daughter.
Today is just one day. Yesterday was a better day. Tomorrow will be a better day. Whew! I'm just glad today is in the history books!
And remember: DON"T BLINK OR PAISLEY GRACE WILL BE GROWN!
3 comments:
We had one boy that didn't sleep at any regular times and another that had colic and screamed and screamed. You are doing a great job and it shows on the hard days. Praying that tomorrow will be a more peaceful day for both of you.
Thanks, Robin. All encouragement is appreciated!
Well, you knew that some of that would happen. Having kids is not the fantasy that I was expecting. In the movies, they do not warn you about being completely perplexed and unable to pacify them at all. Sometimes reality bites.
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